


Unwavering - Long Version

by VengeanceAngel



Series: Unwavering [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abuse only when Billy isn't in his right mind, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy feels like shit, During a PTSD episode, Future Fic, Hurt Billy Hargrove, Hurt Steve Harrington, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, OMC and OFC are friends, Protective Billy Hargrove, Protective Steve Harrington, Rape is more of a misunderstanding, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve loves Billy and they work through this sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-11-09 02:05:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VengeanceAngel/pseuds/VengeanceAngel
Summary: I attempted to write a drabble and hated it. Apparently I'm not a drabble girl. I love reading them, but have no talent for writing them. Kudos to those of you who can do it. So here is a very expanded version of the drabble, which is actually part one of this series. You absolutely do not need to read that to read this. I am still working on this and love having a bunch of WIPs going at once so everything is always fresh. Hopefully you all stick with me as I continue with my writing style.Please know that this rape isn't really rape. Steve is hurt, but he knows Billy is not intending to hurt him. If you've been in an abusive relationship, please be careful reading this. Again, Billy loves Steve, but during a PTSD episode, he gets very abusive because he only feels rage.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve walks in the door and smiles as he sees the unlit candles and smells the roses and lavender oil that he buys for days when he needs to relax. He knows that Billy is more than aware that Steve has struggled today in a career that he never thought possible, an accomplishment for which he gives Billy the credit for constantly, even if his boyfriend won’t take it.

He looks down at his bare ring finger and frowns. He wants something to give to Billy to show that they’re in this for the long haul, but until there is more than just a symbolic ceremony, they have both decided to wait. 

Steve places his duffle bag on the ground and looks at the mess that Billy has made in the middle of the living room. There are so many blankets and pillows that Steve is certain that the beds in the house are stripped bare. He slips off his shoes and then goes into the bathroom. He knows now that the house is empty, which means that Billy is right down the block at the store and will be back soon. Billy knows that Steve still has nightmares about people he loves being in trouble so he leaves a note if he’s going to be much longer than a few minutes. 

Steve jumps into the shower and blushes as he thinks that the shopping trip might be because they ran out of lube during their foray into some truly wild marathon sex last week. In Steve’s defense, he was using sex as a way to distract himself from some of his work memories and Billy wasn’t really fighting him on being used as such. After about ten minutes of showering and making sure that he’s clean and fresh for Billy, he wraps a towel around his waist and comes out, hoping that his better half is home already. 

He’s not disappointed as he finds himself pressed gently against the wall near the bathroom. Billy’s hands are everywhere and he is kissed with wild abandon. Steve moans into the kiss and his mouth is filled with Billy’s tongue and with his unique taste of peppermint and red licorice. Since Billy quit smoking, gum and Twizzlers are a constant in the house and Steve finds that it is more uniquely Billy than any tobacco or beer taste has ever been. 

Their life together wasn’t always so easy or happy. It was after Steve’s small graduation party with the kids that everything changed. An attack by the demogorgons pulled Billy into the hell that had been invading Steve’s nightmares when he had come over to pick up Max from the gathering. As they fought side by side the next few months against new horrors, they learned to rely on each other for protection and sanity. And after an especially harrowing night, when Steve turned back to drop off something Billy had forgotten in his car, he saw through the window as Neil threw Billy against a wall. Neil never knew what hit him as Steve tackled him and choked him until he lost consciousness. Steve had shoved Billy back into his car and drove Neil to the woods. He pushed his unconscious body out on the grass in one of the most infested areas and drove away. What Hopper found the next day was just one more thing that was covered up and explained away. It was that night that changed absolutely everything again and Billy saw Steve as his protector and savior. And Steve saw Billy as the wounded boy he was and not the asshole exterior he always tried to project. 

Five more fights with the Upside Down and seven years later, they live here, in the suburbs of Indianapolis, and treasure every moment in each other’s arms. Billy started out with mechanics, specializing in classic cars and motorcycles and soon worked his way through school and became an architect. Steve loves how Billy looks in a suit and, although he has never asked Billy to cut his hair, he has to admit that his boyfriend with his hair in a ponytail does something to him that usually leads to passionate sex at the end of the day. 

Steve, however, decided to do something that his parents hated because it wasn’t an appropriate career for their son for some dumbass reason. It just fueled Steve’s decision more and he chose to be a nurse. Although Steve specializes in Midwifery, he also trains in Crisis Services and Emergency interventions. Billy hates it because when he sees anything on the news now, he knows that Steve is probably down in the ER or, in cases where there is a dangerous event happening, he knows that his boyfriend is probably in his car getting right into the thick of it as part of the county’s crisis response team. 

Today is no different. A building had collapsed in a part of town that was in flux due to the city council’s inability to recognize that history can be maintained while making buildings safe. It is actually a pet project of the firm Billy is working for now. Because of that, Billy is more incensed that Steve ran to the location and crawled under the rubble to help people. Billy knows that the structure could have collapsed more and he could have lost Steve forever. When his boss had come in to personally tell him of the report of a medic scrambling under the rubble with the firefighters, Billy had nearly started smoking again. 

Instead, Billy set up a night to show Steve just how much he means to him. And now he is here, kissing the man of his dreams, and making sure that Steve understands how much Billy hates it when he puts his life in danger. He pulls back a little. “God, baby… don’t do that to me. I know where you were today. I know…”

Steve moans and tucks his face into the crook of Billy’s neck. “We don’t have to talk about it. It’s over.”

Billy frowns at Steve’s quick attempt to change the subject. “Come here.” He pushes him back into the bathroom and flips on the light. He gasps as he takes in the numerous bruises on Steve’s torso and the cut above his left eye. “Steve….” 

“My job isn’t going to change and I love what I do.” 

“Not always.” Billy remembers holding onto Steve when things went wrong, especially on the labor and delivery unit. He pulled Steve back from the edge so many times at the beginning, before Steve built up a protection around the loss that comes with working in the medical field. Billy’s battle with nicotine is nothing compared to the battle Steve fought with alcohol, still fights with, as Steve reminds him. Billy didn’t hesitate that day four years ago when he sat by Steve’s bedside, waiting to find out if he was going to live or die from the amount of alcohol he drank that day in a suicide attempt after a loss in the ER that Steve still can’t talk about without Billy worrying that he’s going to try to end things again. All Billy really knows is that it involved a drunk driver and a family. Beyond that, Billy thinks that if Steve can’t handle it then Billy doesn’t need to know about it. Steve never wants Billy to enter his hell with him and Billy tries to respect that.

“Billy.” Steve sighs and runs his hand through his damp hair. “Can we please go back to enjoying each other and the incredibly romantic scene you have set in our living room? Please?”

Billy cups Steve’s jaw and rubs his thumb over his cheek. “I can’t survive without you. Nobody else will ever get me like you do.” 

Steve frowns and sadly knows that this is probably true. The abuse Billy suffered through leaves him with scars that nobody can see. Billy panics at odd times that nobody can understand. Steve knows that it just takes someone who looks like Neil to walk by or someone who sounds like Neil. Sometimes it’s a movie where a kid is getting hit or it can even be as simple as a man standing over him. And Billy doesn’t lose it every time one of those triggers happen and there are still times that neither Billy nor Steve can figure out what the trigger is. Nowadays, it is only when Billy is already undergoing a decent amount of stress that he truly loses control. Fortunately, Steve has intervened enough times over the years that many of the people who work with Billy and who are friends with them know the deal and can get Billy calmed or at least out of harm’s way when an episode starts. Billy drifts away when that happens and what comes out is the asshole that used to be Billy Hargrove. He lashes out, willing to punch or kick or just straight up destroy anything in his way, or anything he considers a threat. 

Once or twice, it has happened during sex. Steve usually doesn’t get much of a warning, but Billy will tend to stop responding gently to Steve. He thrusts a little harder or zones out. It has never been anything overly violent. The first time it happened, Steve had shuddered his way through the fear of it and almost walked out, but Billy’s whimpering pulled him away from those thoughts and he realized that Billy hadn’t known what he was doing and was devastated that he could have hurt the man he loves. 

Steve has also borne the brunt of the physical outbursts, which have left few scars, but numerous bruises in the immediate aftermath. Billy is usually inconsolable for much of the day after these moments. Three years ago, when Billy had come to standing over an unconscious Steve, he had lost it. Steve had woken up in time to stop Billy from opening up his wrists with a kitchen knife. Steve had insisted they start seeing someone together who specializes in trauma and they worked through enough of their issues and learned enough skills that they now go once per month to maintain their relationship at a level where they can be safe. Steve knows that nothing Billy can do will drive him away and Billy knows that Steve won’t lie to him or hurt him intentionally. Still, they do both recognize that triggers are not always easy to spot and that sometimes they will get hurt, but never with purpose behind it. That knowledge makes it so much easier for them to forgive themselves when something goes wrong. And Steve still ends up with a black eye or a sore back once in awhile, but they deal with it and move on. 

But this night should be fine. The smells surrounding them are distinctly Steve and Billy. Billy lit the candles when Steve was in the shower and the soft glow flickering from the living room is relaxing Steve already. There really isn’t anything that can trigger a negative response. Steve leans in and kisses Billy softly. “Come on, baby… make me forget this day, okay? I need you so much.”

It is Billy’s weakness and Steve knows it. Being told that he’s needed, that Steve needs him to be his protector, gets Billy hotter than anything else and if Steve uses that knowledge to his advantage tonight to keep the dark thoughts in Billy’s head at bay, so be it. 

Billy growls low in his throat and kisses Steve again, deepening the kiss until he’s licking into Steve’s mouth to pull the sweet taste of peppermint mouthwash from him. He bites down on Steve’s lip gently, nibbling softly until Steve is whimpering with want. Billy pulls back and flips the light switch off in the bathroom and then leads Steve out into the living room. 

Steve grins as he sees the bag from the store up on the sofa table. “You went out…”

Billy nods. “I went out. We were out of some things.” He strokes his hand up and down Steve’s back gently, mindful of the bruises there. “Hey, no distractions for a minute, okay?”

Steve takes a deep breath. “Okay, go ahead. I’m ready.”

Billy cups Steve’s face gently in his hands until Steve’s eyes meet his. “When my boss came into my office and told me that my beautiful boyfriend was reported as on site and _under_ the tons of rubble that my company assessed as a hazard only a week ago, I thought I was going to die. You are _everything_ to me. _Everything_.” Billy leans in and kisses Steve softly, deepening in the kiss only once Steve allows it. Billy knows that when he admits how scared he gets, Steve needs a second to deal with the initial pang of guilt and then come to terms with the fact that he’s hurt his lover and will need to make safer choices in the future because he wants Billy to feel safe and secure in his love for him. 

Once he feels Steve relax against him, he pulls the towel away from around the other man’s waist and pulls back long enough to pull his own shirt off. He’s careful, as he knows that Steve will claim that he’s fine, but Billy knows too well what so many bruises feel like littering a torso. 

Steve slips to his knees and pulls Billy’s shorts down, allowing his cock to spring free. He nuzzles into the warm skin at Billy’s hip first and then takes him into his mouth. He bobs his head slowly and moans as Billy barely touches his fingers to Steve’s hair as he begins to gently thrust into the willing mouth. “Oh fuck, Steve, yeah… just like that, baby…”

Steve brings his hand around and carefully probes at Billy’s pucker. He looks up and sees the feral grin spread out on his blonde beauty’s face before being directed at him. 

Billy moves back and pulls Steve up. “No way, you’re not getting out of feeling appropriately ashamed for your behavior today by taking me apart so I end up forgiving you for anything. Tonight, I am going to be the one setting the pace and making you beg.” He kisses Steve’s neck and works his way down and across his collar bone. “I love you so much. I am going to show you how bad you were, though. I’m going to take you apart slowly, baby. You want that?” His hand palms at Steve’s cock and the moan ripped out of the man makes the wild spirit in Billy sing. 

“Anything for you, Billy. Anything.” He whimpers as Billy’s teeth graze a nipple before moving down to envelop Steve in his warmth. Billy licks the slit slowly, drawing out the pre-cum on his tongue. He looks up at Steve, whose head is thrown back in ecstasy, and grins around the cock in his mouth. He sucks Steve down to the root and back up, loving the way his boyfriend is starting to come apart at the seams. 

A lot of things happen at once that changes everything about the sweet moment. Steve begins to get dizzy from the earlier knock to the head and the current situation of his boyfriend attempting to suck out any ability to balance straight out of his dick. Steve’s legs give out, worn out from squatting low under the rubble earlier for hours. Billy, in a rush that evening, forgets to take out the rubber band that is holding a loose ponytail and now is only tangled in half of the strands. 

As Steve stumbles, Billy moves back to catch him, but Steve’s hand is tangled in Billy’s hair and the resulting yank as his finger gets caught by the rubber band is sharp and jerks Billy’s head back with a snap. Billy’s mind is already compromised from the worry he felt all day and the look of Steve’s bruises up and down his torso. Bruises that so closely matches the many that Billy wore for many years. 

As soon as Steve sees and feels the result of the unintentional hair pull, he knows that this is bad. “Billy… Billy are you okay? I’m so sorry!” He tries to get his hand away, but he’s terrified of upsetting Billy more. He chances a glance at Billy’s face, expecting to see his boyfriend frightened and ready to lash out until he gets Steve’s hand out of his hair. Instead, Billy looks ready to kill. “Billy?” Steve knows that he and Billy were being praised recently in therapy for Billy’s feelings of safety that allows some more intense reactions to come up when triggered. With that, they both learned they have to be vigilant in protecting each other. But this time, Steve had slacked off and he should have seen the ponytail holder or should have at least gotten more comfortable before attempting any sexual activity. He is mentally kicking himself. 

Billy smiles and licks at his lower lip. “You got a death wish, bitch? You think you can treat me like your personal punching bag and walk away? Damn, princess, I’m gonna like teaching you this lesson. We’ll see who the whore is now.”

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Steve gasps as Billy grips his wrist and yanks it away from his head. Steve is certain that he takes some of Billy’s hair with him and he tries to pull away, but cries out as the pressure on his wrist increases until he hears the snap. “Billy!” He knows this nightmare. He knows that Billy has started working through some of the darker thoughts he had about Steve when they were together. He knows that the anger the night Billy nearly beat him to death was in part due to Billy’s fear of being a “faggot,” as Billy’s father used to call him. Billy has processed how he is so grateful that he didn’t feel safe to out himself or he may have done something unforgiveable to Steve that night, whether the kids were watching or not. 

The blows rain down then and Steve panics and punches blindly, landing a blow solidly on his lover’s jaw. He gasps in fear when he realizes he’s made the situation worse as Billy grips harder to Steve’s injured wrist. “Billy, please!” 

Billy only knows need and want. His mind takes him to that night, to the night that he nearly killed Steve, but currently he has no fear of being outed. He only has a fear of letting Steve get away with treating him like a whore. The idea that Steve thinks he can reject him is outlandish and Billy only sees Steve as a person who can hurt him and can cause him pain that Billy isn’t able to handle. So it’s about survival and Billy makes a decision that he will punish Steve and destroy him if he has to in order to be the one to walk away. 

As Steve struggles, his injuries and Billy’s strength combine to take him down quickly. Steve hangs limp in Billy’s grasp and he is vaguely aware of his legs being spread and of Billy’s voice floating toward him on words like “whore,” “mine,” and “hate.” He whimpers and becomes frightened for Billy more and more, knowing that even if Billy snaps out of it now, the other boy will panic afterward. Steve also knows that he has to remain conscious because Billy _will_ need him, whether he snaps out of this in an hour or a minute from now. He hopes that it is closer to a minute. Steve begins to consider the actual threat to him. If Billy wants to beat him up, it’s doubtful that he will go too far where Steve can’t recover well. But sexually, there is a problem that Steve is trying to come to terms with. 

Billy and Steve work well together sexually. They are both decently endowed and enjoy both giving and receiving attention, but Steve also knows that Billy is a bit thicker than Steve, which causes for some tricky foreplay that involves a generous amount of lube. The couple of past incidents had happened when Billy was balls deep in Steve already, but this is different. Billy isn’t inside of Steve and he’s not lubed up. As Billy’s finger prods roughly at Steve’s hole, Steve gasps and jerks away. “Billy, no… Billy you have to listen to me.” He moans as he’s backhanded. 

“You don’t talk, pretty boy. You’re mine.” He starts pumping Steve to try and get him hard, but he’s not having much success. He growls and pushes his finger against Steve’s opening again, feeling very little give. He reaches up and shoves three fingers into Steve’s mouth. “Get them wet, bitch.” 

Steve knows that this may be the only lube he will get and he coats the fingers in saliva, while trying to figure out how to get the bag from above the couch. He considers trying to convince Billy to get it, but gets another hard slap across the face when he attempts to offer up the suggestion. 

A finger is shoved roughly inside of him, followed by a second. Billy seems to recognize that it may be painful for him, too, if they don’t take things slow, but then hoists Steve up by his ankle and spits directly on the tight pucker. Steve whines in frustration and tries in vain to scoot away as he pleads for Billy not to hurt him and begs him to stop. Steve can’t catch his breath as the man he loves pushes the blunt head of his penis harder against him. He tries to call out Billy’s name, but chokes on a strangled scream as Billy breaches the first ring of muscle. Again, Steve tries to speak, but again, Billy isn’t having it. 

Steve bites his lower lip, drawing blood, as Billy shoves in roughly and starts to move. Steve knows what’s happening physically. He feels the tearing of his tender skin, the sting of the rawness of the wound being stretched further and pulled as Billy moves. There is no time to adjust because Billy is doing everything he can to punish Steve, a Steve from years ago that Billy is staking a claim to because Steve’s love had made Billy feel safe enough to let out this darkness into the light. Steve wants to cry at the realization that this would be healing if they were in a controlled environment. Instead, this could set Billy back years of recovery. As for Steve, he keeps thinking of throwing back a shot or ten if he survives the night. He tries to hold back the sounds of pain, worried that Billy will later remember them and it will hurt him more. When the pain becomes too much, Steve sobs. “Billy… Billy, it hurts!”

Billy frowns and fucks into Steve harder. “You’re fine.” 

The punishing pace continues, the way made more and more slick by what Steve can only imagine is a substantial amount of blood. He wants to scream as loud as he can, but that will only bring strangers to his aid and he doesn’t want to put Billy into a position where he could be hurt more than he already will be. Steve tries to bring Billy back to him through pain and starts clawing at the other man’s back, trying to make the torture stop.

Billy reaches up and yanks Steve’s head back by his hair, the same move that started this nightmare in the first place. He bites into Steve’s neck. “Take it.”

“I can’t….”

Billy pulls back and looks into Steve’s eyes, danger flickering in the depths. “You _will_.”

Another punishing thrust and another tear causes Steve to lose the battle and he screams in pain. But his mouth and nose are quickly covered by Billy’s large hand. “Shutup.” He watches as Steve struggles to breathe, struggles to cry and sob like the pussy he is. “You want this.”

As Steve starts to lose consciousness, Billy grins at the way Steve’s body is beginning to go limp. In his mind, Steve is making a choice to submit and Billy’s demons howl in triumph. He slams in again and again and finally moves his hand away from Steve’s mouth to grasp Steve’s neck. 

Steve catches part of a breath and starts weeping openly, terrified that it’s gone far beyond what Billy can come back from. The candlelight paints a grotesque parody of what Billy had planned for them this evening and it breaks Steve’s heart. “It’s me, baby.”

Billy doesn’t seem to hear him. “I’m so fucking close.”

Steve uses his good hand to start pulling at Billy’s hand around his neck. He can’t risk being unconscious when Billy snaps out of this. He already came so close and he’s never going to forgive himself if Billy goes for a kitchen knife again and Steve isn’t awake enough to stop it. “Please slow down….”

That turns into a mistake as the grip around Steve’s throat strengthens and Steve chokes once more. “Take it, _bitch_!”

Steve’s peripheral vision starts to disappear and he fights for everything he’s worth to stay awake and nearly sobs in relief when Billy begins to falter in his thrusts. He knows his boyfriend well enough to know that means it’s almost over. Within two more thrusts, Billy groans out his release and the pressure on Steve’s throat falls away. Steve takes a chance and reaches his good hand out and rubs Billy’s upper arm gently. “Please come back to me.” He tries to hold back his tears, knowing he has to be strong. 

The silence is deafening and Steve knows the lack of insults or angry screaming means that the Billy he loves is going to be there soon and he has to be ready for it. It takes about a minute, but Steve swears it feels like hours, when Billy first starts recognizing that something is wrong. 

“Fuck….”

Steve stops rubbing at Billy’s arm. He stops moving. He stops breathing. He waits. He watches his lover’s face. As Billy’s eyes clear of anger and lust, they are replaced by horror and fear. “No… No no…. not again…” His eyes dart everywhere that he can, making sure he catalogs all the injuries that he can see by the candlelight. His breath quickens and his sobs begin. 

Steve does what he knows and ignores the pain in his wrist to hold onto Billy, mostly to comfort, but also to halt him from moving away too fast. “I’ve got you.”

“I didn’t mean it!” Billy’s words tumble out as if he is trying to convince Steve that he didn’t suddenly turn into some sort of monster rapist from the time he kissed Steve senseless in this very spot to the moment that his father’s past evil yanked him into a mental prison. 

“I know. Billy, I know. Come on, sweetheart, stay with me. I don’t want you to lose it on me right now. I want to help you walk through this slowly after I get you calm.”

Billy does panic more, unfortunately, and isn’t able to get away from Steve fast enough. He shoves the other man back and scrambles away, halting as Steve hisses in pain. “Oh God… Steve… I hurt you.” He moves toward the lamp. 

“Billy no!” As the lamp flicks on, he closes his eyes, but hears the wrecked moan coming from Billy. He knows that he’s bleeding. He isn’t sure how much, but he’s pretty sure it’s bad and he might need some help from a colleague tonight. 

“I hurt you.”

Billy’s soft declaration has Steve opening his eyes. “You’re here with me now. That’s all that matters. I’m going to need your help, okay? First, we can get you calmed down. How about a bath?” Steve is frightened of the fact that he feels his grasp on reality and possibly his sanity is tenuous at best. But his love for Billy holds him together when he remembers how much Billy is hurting, too. 

“Baby.. we need to call someone. You need to get away from me.” Billy is still in shock and is staring at Steve as if he’s now the manifestation of everything “evil” or “bad” inside of Billy. 

Steve pulls Billy to him then, no longer willing to worry about whether or not Billy wants to hear something. “Never.” He kisses away the tears falling down Billy’s face. 

Billy whimpers. “You deserve better. I’m so fucked up, Steve.” Billy feels his rage creep up again, but this time it is directed toward his father, where it belongs. Not on his beautiful and loving Steve. Billy secretly wishes he can go back in time and kill his father again and again until he can purge this feeling of evil, betrayer, _rapist_ from his soul. Until he can stop destroying things and people who make him feel safe. 

“No, Billy. I’m with you through all of it. You’re not fucked up. You’re hurting and I’m here and that’s all that’s important.” He struggles to keep his eyes open and Billy notices. 

“You’re hurt!” The cry is more desperate this time as Billy seems to really come back to the moment fully and the words are no longer empty. “I need to call an ambulance.” 

Steve moves then, regretting it immediately. “No! No, Billy!” He waits until Billy meets his gaze. “You’ll take care of me. Only you and maybe one friend of mine. But nobody is going to know about this. This is ours. Nobody else gets to know.” Steve knows that he has to be firm because once Billy is completely in control again, his alpha male tendencies come to the surface and he becomes the protector that Steve hates to admit he needs sometimes. Steve knows Billy has been through hell, but that doesn’t make him weak and Billy is always the first one to remind Steve of that after these blackouts. 

As Steve predicts, Billy’s jaw sets and he weighs the options in his mind, but isn’t immediately going to do whatever Steve tells him to, not when it comes to keeping Steve safe. He finally takes in a deep breath and releases it and Steve knows that he’s won this battle for now. “You know I’ll take care of you, Steve, but this is bad. No nurse shit, Steve. I’m taking care of you my way and if you tell me one time that I’m ‘overdoing’ it, I’m gagging you.”

Steve nods and feels that grip on his sanity slipping again as Billy becomes demanding and firm. He trusts Billy, but now some more basic instincts are coming into play and he has a sick feeling that he’s going to need more than a monthly session to get through the fear he was feeling tonight. He isn’t scared of Billy, but he is scared. He knows that Billy loves him, but it was like having a stranger inside of him tonight, no matter how much he tries to remind himself that the man he loves was right here. 

He can feel himself losing against the emotions and the self-blame begins. His breathing quickens and he looks up at Billy, his hand starting to shake. “I shouldn’t have pulled your hair. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I know what that does to you. I know it takes you back. _I_ did this to us. I was careless…”

Billy frowns in growing concern as he watches Steve start to unravel and his breath catches in his throat. Steve doesn’t unravel. Steve faces Billy at his worst. Steve breaks unimaginable horrible news to expectant parents, to mothers and fathers, to siblings, to children when nobody else can face reality. Steve dives into danger and pushes aside the human response of fearing death. Steve. Does. Not. Unravel. 

“Steve? Baby, this isn’t your fault. I should have known that you weren’t him. Tonight was something else. I think there were a lot of things at play. This isn’t on you.”

Steve shakes his head frantically and places his trembling hands on Billy’s cheeks and looks him in the eyes. “I love you.”

Billy attempts to lighten the mood. “I don’t know why.” He takes a deep breath, giving thanks to whatever put Steve Harrington in his life because, no matter how many times he slips up, Steve is unwavering in his love and loyalty. And now, Steve is proving it again. But this time there is an edge of something else and Billy doesn’t miss it when Steve stays firm. 

“I love you.”

Billy kisses him and hears Steve’s unspoken plea not to hurt him again, but responds to the words. “I love you, too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the violent incident between Steve and Billy. I know some people hate quick wrap-ups, but remember that this is a future fic. How they got to the point that Steve can forgive Billy everything happened outside of this and assumes that they've been through a lot together. I hope you like the conclusion of this one story of their survival against all the crap they had to deal with. I added my original characters because I really like using OCs to show different aspects of the main characters. Enjoy!

Billy pushes Steve back into the nest of blankets and pillows, taking in the shuddering form. He covers him up with a few of the blankets to warm him as he knows that’s something that Steve always does for him. He knows Steve will deny it now, but there’s no doubt in Billy’s mind that Steve is truly fucked up and he wants to resurrect his father just to have the pleasure of killing him with his bare hands. This is definitely more than Steve has dealt with before. Yes, Billy has beat the shit out of him in one of these moments, but Steve recognizes it for what it is. This, however, crosses the line into their lives now. This violence had been sexual in nature and definitely the worst of the worst within their history. Sex and intimacy for them has always been relatively safe and mostly healing. Billy understands what it feels like to have absolute belief in the safety of something only to have it ripped away. In some ways, Billy feels he understands the jarring reality and the consequences of it better than Steve is capable of right now. It also means that Billy realizes that Steve is not going to just snap his fingers and be okay this time. 

He watches as Steve starts to shut down, curling in on himself and flinching at any shadow and wincing in pain every few seconds. Billy stays watchful as he moves toward the phone. He picks up and rolls his eyes as he dials up Ronnie, Steve’s best friend and Billy’s nemesis. Her words, not his. If she wasn’t a kick ass doctor, he wouldn’t dare let her in his home right now. “Hey, it’s Billy.” He frowns. “Nah, it’s bad. We need you to-“ He glares at the phone as he’s hung up on. “Great….” 

He dials another number and waits until a gruff male voice picks up. “Don’t freak out.” 

He holds the phone away from him as the person on the other end clearly freaks out. After a bit, he puts the receiver back to his ear. “Yeah, it’s really bad.” He frowns at the question being asked. “Um… bad enough that Ronnie is already on the way?”

He sighs and looks at the phone, having been hung up on again, this time by his best friend and business associate. He hangs up and goes to unlock the door. He blows out the candles and wants to wash up, but also doesn’t want to leave Steve. He washes his hands in the kitchen so Steve is still in sight and pulls on his clothes so he appears less threatening. He keeps his hands in front of him and kneels down and sees Steve’s still empty stare. Billy lies down next to Steve so he’s in his line of sight. “Baby? I’m right here, okay? You’re not alone and you’re safe.” He adopts a low and soothing tone to his voice. He continues to talk, but is interrupted by the hurricane that is Ronnie bursting through the door. 

“What the _fuck_ , Billy!?”

Billy sighs as Steve’s body shudders and he sits up to glare at her. “Hello to you, too, _Veronica._ ” 

“Don’t fucking call me that.” She moves toward him and then sees Steve. “Shit!” She rushes toward him and misses the flinch that he gives. Before she can shove Billy out of the way and get into Steve’s face, Billy is grabbing her arm and dragging her away. “Hey!”

“I need you to listen to me. You fucking love him so much, you _listen_!” He gives her a slight shake to keep her attention. She continues to glare at him like she wants to break her oath to Steve and put him in the ground, but she settles. Billy takes a deep breath. “Okay. He’s in shock right now and he’s not doing so great. I need you to attend to his physical needs and leave the mental ones to me.” He keeps his composure as she scoffs. “We were getting ready to make love and something happened. It was really bad and I lost it.” He frowns. “He will disagree, but I raped him.”

Ronnie shakes her head. “I fucking knew something like this would happen, you shit!”

“Yeah, you don’t like me. I don’t care. I need you to do what you gotta do and I’ll step in if I have to calm him. Or maybe to distract him. I’m not going to be able to tell you anything because I just don’t remember. All I know is that he’s bleeding.”

Again she looks like she want to kill him and again she doesn’t. Billy is grateful more and more that she loves Steve more than she hates Billy. He steps out of her way and allows her to work. He stays close, but knows that Ronnie will take care of him and will call him if he’s needed. He looks up as the door opens and Freddy walks in. 

The other man stops and stares before coming over to Billy and the others. “Okay, what the fuck…..”

Ronnie glances up. “Hey, Freddy, you come to take this asshole somewhere he can’t hurt my best nurse again?”

Freddy scowls at Ronnie. “Just do your job and keep your mouth shut.” 

If Billy wasn’t so scared for Steve, he would laugh. Having best friends dating each other made life interesting. Ronnie and Freddy were going on 10 years and Billy was grateful that they were so good to him and Steve. But Ronnie clearly liked Steve more and Freddy cared about them both, but showed more kindness to Billy since Ronnie was so mean to him. They both know nothing about Billy’s past and absolutely nothing about the nightmares that haunt Steve’s mind. They only know what they’ve been told, that Billy has a brain injury that has led to memory loss and blackouts with fits of rage and that Steve was in a bad car accident as a teenager that left him with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks. 

Billy looks up at Freddy. “He triggered me. He didn’t mean to.”

Freddy frowns and runs his hand through his short hair. “Shit, Billy…. What did you do?”

“I raped him.” 

Freddy takes a step back. “Wait… what?”

Billy shakes his head. “That’s never happened and this time… I don’t know… maybe because we were already becoming intimate…”

Ronnie sighs. “Guys, I’m going to have to really examine him and I can’t get him to tell me anything. Babe, I don’t think you want to be here for this. Why don’t you go into the kitchen and make us some coffee? Billy should stay so he can tell me what to look for.”

Billy watches his friend go to the kitchen and then kneels down and holds onto Steve while Ronnie glares at him. “Please stop staring at me. I feel bad enough. I don’t know what I did to him. I told you… I don’t remember it.”

“Fine, then tell me what you _do_ know.”

Billy frowns and thinks for a moment. “We were together and getting… I mean we were getting ready to have sex. And then I remember getting my hair pulled and that’s it. Then I was just… inside of him and um…. Finished. Steve was rubbing my arm and I was so… so terrified. I knew I had blacked out, but not really what I’d done. I fell apart and… you know Steve…” He continues at Ronnie’s nod. “I told him I didn’t mean it, but I didn’t really know what I’d done. I figured it out pretty easily. I mean I was balls deep inside my very beat up boyfriend. I… I raped him. I didn’t know what to do so I kissed him, trying to apologize, but then he was being nice and comforting and the guilt was too much and I had to get away from him so I shoved him off of me…” He looks up as Ronnie glares harder. “I didn’t know he was hurt at that point.” He rubs his eyes. “I turned on the light… He didn’t want me to turn it on, but I did…. And I saw the blood. He kept trying to convince me to take care of myself, but there was no way. He was too hurt. He was beat up. I didn’t see much, but the blood and the redness in certain places where I’d obviously hit him. He was struggling to stay awake and then… I wanted to call an ambulance, but he begged me not to.” 

Ronnie frowns, never liking when Billy seems to do something in Steve’s best interest as it goes against everything she wants to think about him. “You were right to try to help him. Steve is stubborn, though, and really protective, especially when it comes to you. I’m trying to be understanding, Billy, but this is bad…”

“I know, but he insisted that nobody know. He refuses to let anyone in on this part of our relationship.” He sighs. “I told him that I wouldn’t call the ambulance, but we weren’t ignoring it, either, and he finally agreed. He started to have a panic attack and-“

“What? He hasn’t had one of those in awhile….”

“I know. It scared me even more and I knew I had to get you over here. Please… I don’t know how bad this is and he won’t tell me. I need to know.”

Ronnie nods and tries to get Steve to talk to her again, but he’s fading in and out, which starts to throw Billy into a panic. Ronnie calms Billy down by telling him that it’s mostly shock and nothing too concerning yet. She uses a firm voice with Steve to finally get him to respond. “Steve, I need you to tell me what your injuries are. Can you do that?”

Steve looks up at Billy. “You should go….”

“No, Steve. I’m staying and that’s final. I did this and I need to know how bad it got. We’re not discussing it.”

Steve frowns. “Fine. Damn, you’re stubborn…”

Billy smiles gently. “It’s why you love me. Now… we’ll deal with all of this later, but right now, we’re dealing with injuries so… I don’t remember what I did. I need you to tell Ronnie.”

Steve takes a deep breath and then flinches. “Okay… um…” He tries to talk, but finds himself drifting. Ronnie and Billy let him as they both seem to recognize that he needs to not be completely present for the retelling. “So… I pulled his hair and Billy grabbed me and pulled my hand away. I think it’s broken.”

Billy gasps. “I broke your hand?”

Steve shakes his head. “My wrist.” He closes his eyes and tries to remember and also to catalog where he is feeling pain. “I got beat up, but… I did manage to get a punch in. I think that made it worse. It really wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but it was hard to do much fighting back with a broken wrist so I took more blows than usual when this happens. Then we had sex and… there was no prep. It was quick and….”

Billy stifles a groan and looks at Ronnie. “We… have to go slow because of my size. The… girth. Without lube and prep, there’s no way I didn’t hurt him.”

Steve squeezes Billy’s hand gently. “It doesn’t feel as bad as you’re imagining. I’m sure it’s going to be okay. I’m not bleeding heavily and I’m sure Ronnie will let you help me in the tub soon.”

Ronnie nods in agreement. “Fine, Steve, but you are bleeding pretty heavily actually. Billy was smart and has you sitting against some blankets so it’s stemming the flow pretty well, but I’ll have to look eventually.” She studies him. “Tell me about your neck and the… marks around your mouth.”

Billy hadn’t noticed and tries to get a good look from behind Steve, but doesn’t want to move from his position. Billy thought earlier that Steve was hoarse from crying, but now he’s having second thoughts and worrying more. 

“I bit my lip at some point. And… I was making noise… too much noise and Billy… put his hand over my mouth and nose…”

Billy holds his breath because he feels the self loathing itching at his brain. He could have really harmed Steve to the point of no return and that is jarring. 

“And your throat?”

Steve mutters something and Ronnie nudges him gently. “I didn’t hear you.” 

Steve starts to sob. “He… choked me.”

Ronnie stares at Billy again as the other man starts to shudder. “No, Billy. You suck it up and be here for him.” 

Steve holds onto Billy with his good hand. “I’m so sorry, babe. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.” 

Billy’s eyes widen almost as much as Ronnie’s. “ _You’re_ sorry? Princess, I raped you.” 

“You didn’t.” He sees Ronnie gear up for a protest. “No! You don’t get to tell me what happened, Ronnie. You, either, Billy. I was the only one present and aware.” He starts to rub Billy’s arm. “You know, Billy. You know this wasn’t you. This was only due to one man.”

Freddy comes back in with four coffee cups neatly balanced on a tray and sets it down on the end table just as Steve speaks. He looks at Billy in question. “What does that mean? Is this the guy that ran into you with his car? You know who he is?”

Ronnie looks up at Freddy. “What the hell are you talking about? When did _that_ happen?”

Ronnie and Freddy miss the look exchanged between Steve and Billy. Freddy answers, “When Billy was 12 and got that head injury.”

“But….” She looks at Steve and can already see that he’s been caught in a lie. “Steve, you told me that Billy fell out of a tree when he was working yard maintenance the year after you two graduated high school.”

Billy nods. “I did. I mean… both of those things happened and together they caused this-“

“Billy… stop.” Steve looks up at him. “I should have told you that I’d given something else to Ronnie. The car accident story… she would have known it wasn’t true.” He looks at Ronnie and Freddy. “It’s none of your business actually. I don’t mean that to be rude, but this isn’t my story to tell and Billy has chosen to keep it private so…” He squeezes Billy’s hand. “I’m going to respect that.”

Billy thinks of everything that his father has cost him and decides then and there that he’s tired of holding this secret inside. It’s only protecting his father. “No… no, it’s okay. I can tell them.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t… I don’t blackout because of a head injury. At least I don’t think so.” He feels himself start to shake and is grateful that Steve is right there by his side. “My dad… he… he wasn’t a nice man.”

Steve forces himself to sit up a little and twists so he can kiss Billy’s cheek lightly. “Baby….it’s okay.”

“No! It’s not okay! Things happen and then I lash out and I hurt people! I hurt… I hurt you.” 

Steve looks at Ronnie. “It’s a traumatic response, Ronnie. He can’t help it. I pulled his hair and-“

“-and triggered the fuck out of him.” Ronnie sighs. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this before?”

Billy shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter right now. Just help Steve.” He stands and dips down to lift Steve. “I’m taking him into the bedroom so you can treat him there.” He walks with Steve in his arms and places him gently on the bed. “Baby… I’m going to step out. You listen to everything she tells you, okay?”

Steve nods. “I will. And I’m proud of you for telling them about your dad.”

“I thought it was about time I stopped being the scapegoat for his bullshit.” He kisses Steve deeply. “We’re going to have a long road in front of us to get through this. No brushing it off. You and me… we never run from anything. Right?”

Steve smiles as Ronnie comes in. “Right. I’ll heal physically and we… maybe we finally tell some people what really happened to you.”

Billy nods. “Maybe we should.” He turns and looks at Ronnie. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you.” He gasps as he is wrapped in a hug from the woman who always claimed that Billy wasn’t good enough. “Um… okay…”

Ronnie steps back. “I understand trauma, Billy. I’m sorry that happened to you. You need to understand that both of you are victims and… I might not like you personally, but I guess I can believe that you really do love Steve.”

Billy smiles a bit, but it’s difficult to feel too good while Steve is in pain. “Maybe now we can start building a good couples friendship?”

Ronnie shrugs. “Maybe.” She pushes Billy out and gently closes the door to take care of her patient. 

Billy looks up at Freddy who is holding out a cup of coffee. “You mad at me?”

Freddy shakes his head. “No. Just relieved that you have had Steve to get you through this shit.”

Billy nods. “Yeah, he’s…. strong. Unwavering. And I promise I’m never going to hurt him again if I can help it.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “Then again… I always say that.” He frowns and looks guiltily toward the door that Steve is behind. 

Freddy sighs. “Yeah, but now you have two more people in your corner, okay?”

Billy looks at Freddy and smiles. “Yeah?” He nods in acceptance. “Alright… yeah, let’s beat this fucker down and get my life back.” 

Ronnie opens the door. “He’s going to be fine physically. But he needs you now.”

Billy hands the coffee to her and goes into the room, closing the door. He walks over to the love of his life, who is sporting a splint on his wrist and whose face has been cleaned up. “Baby… baby please, I’m so sorry.” He feels the tears stream down his face as he comes close and sits by Steve’s side. 

Steve shakes his head gently and grips Billy’s hand with his good one. He looks him in the eyes, just as intensely as he did earlier in the evening. “I love you.”

Billy frowns, still thinking of the declaration from earlier. “I’m not kidding you when I tell you that I don’t know why you love me, Steve. I’m broken…. Damaged… I’m not worth any of this. Not your patience. Not your love. Nothing.” He expects Steve to argue or to tell him that none of this is his fault, but as always Steve keeps it simple. 

“I _love_ you. _All_ of you. Even the parts that your fucking father put in your brain and more than anything, I love how the good in you fights that bastard’s legacy every damn day. I love _you_. Now stop fucking arguing with me.”

Billy finally smiles a genuine smile and leans in and kisses Steve gently. “Yes, your majesty.” He leans his forehead against Steve’s before leaning in again for a soft kiss. “By the way…. I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love kudos and comments, but neither are necessary. I'm just writing because I love it and if it makes someone else happy, that's an added bonus.


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